River's Diary: Part Six by myownknight

An opportunity to write.

Our current job is on Santos, yet another center of discreet smuggling and mischievous activity. The cargo is box after box of tea leaves, hundreds in total. Being at a loss as to the use of such, didn't stop the Cap'n from snapping at easy cashy money. I'm transcribing this entry on my data-pad, as I await the crews return with the cargo. Pickup's not far, just a few city blocks away. I can still feel their presence, even in the roar of Santos' second biggest settlement. As crowded as it can get in the echo of the Black, I've grown accustomed to the constant presence of their minds. 
Something of a comfort I suppose.

Over and out - Pilot Albatross.

____________________________

Tag, you're it.

Crazy, laughing, no stopping this time. Around and around, statistics predict a thirty percent chance of landing where I am. Allie's laughing, laughing at my silly faces, chase her round and round the ship, careful not to catch her till she's done. Zoe's always grateful for a break from the littlest lioness. Cap'n comes to check on his Angel and Albatross, see's cargo shifted a mite.
One step on the stairs, grip finally wears off, tumble, tumble, so slow, maybe if I hurry... Too late, he steps, and all goes upside wrong. So scared, Allie's frightened, so much pain, something snapped. Cap'n cussing, everyone running, running, can't seem to move, ribbons of people unspool past the thing called river.
I'm hiding again. Understand, won't comprehend. Everything was going so shiny...

_________________________________

Simple Complete Fracture of the Tibia.

Cap'n broke his leg, snapped like a twig don't know why it happened, haven't done anything again. Simon finds me, curled up tight, vents that don't really vent are still vents, just forgotten in their purpose.
Wasn't my fault he says, just ill luck is all. Cap'ns going to be fine, sent everybody away, just wants to see me afore he sleeps again. 
I can't go, won't go, he'll be mad again, make my head hurt like before, won't go through that again, please Simon, don't make me go.
But I go, and I move, and my feet carry me down past Simon, to the Infirmary. Stupid feet.
Cap'n on his back, left leg wrapped in layers of guilt and gauze. Kinda smiles when he sees me, thoughts wrapped in a haze of Morphine, easier to hide.
"Hey little one, you ok?" Five words, so different than I thought they would be. 
"My analysis indicates that in situations like this I should be inquiring as to your physical state of being." He chuckles quietly as he slips into a world of his own making, filled with pretty lights and Inara's face. I stay here alone, in the cold room that once filled my waking nightmares.

Time enough to harass Simon later.

_______________________________________

Just Another Drop Off.

We land on Dyton today. Cap'ns still laid up, can't even sit up all the way without help. But a job is a job, and Zoe's suggestion made him roar. Big kitty, can't fight back just now. Good idea, worked before, just goes against his grain. Half an hours time, Zoe will be heading out to the drop-off, with Jayne as backup. 
And me.

________________________________________

The Misfit in his Mind.

Will he choose, or will he stay, stay inside while others play?
 Fight the fight that isn't his, loves a women that doesn't live. Wants a child that's never been. 
A past not secret, his secrets not passed, a babble of voice you never hear, a silence unspoken in the sky still unclear.

You can't hear me anyway.


*read River's Diary everyday at www.riversdiary.tumblr.com, or follow her on Twitter and Facebook!*

-many a Thanks to my Beta, GreenKa61. wow! To six parts, and six more! Ji-

River's Diary: Part Five by myownknight

Ghosts past now.
another day, always different, always same.
Teasing Kaylee, watching Inara, missing Wash, shadow fading every day. Hardly haunts Zoe anymore, but still there. Always missed, but no longer needed. Free to be just a memory now, one more puff of smoke on the ship called Serenity. Everyone misses him different, still miss the same. River never stops flowing, ships go with the flow. Ready to move on again.

his dinosaurs still guard the ship. guess they will always.

- River.

_________________________

Fluctuations in Temperature.
Finally, Kaylee’s gotten around to fixing the Temperature Regulator. What with mooning over my boob of a brother, and fluttering around with ‘Nara ‘bout wedding go se, been going on almost two weeks since it busted, and everyone forced to bundle up in the Dorms, and strip as far as they dare in the cockpit. I’m not particularly bothered by heat, but it sure is fun to see the Cap’n go red when he walks in and I’m wearing Kaylee's shorts and a tank top. Were it not for ‘Nara Id think he was sly, but I know its just his dusty valor rising to the occasion.
As for the Two Weeks of Penance as its been referred to, worst part was two days in when Jayne threatened to go ‘bout ‘nekkid’ if she didn’t get the gorram thing fixed. Cap’n kaboshed that idea pretty quick, but not before I was bombarded with everyone's horrified thoughts as to how he would look. Most were far from kind.

- River Tam, Homo Sapien (Superior).

_____________________________

My Family
Inara says I ought to write a list of our family, don’t know, can’t see why, but will make ‘Nara happy.

My Family:
Cap’n Daddy- Malcolm Reynolds. captain, family father, protects, love, supports.
Mommy Aunt Inara - Inara Serra, sharer, carer, loves Cap’n Daddy.
Auntie Zoe- Zoe Washburne, Capn Daddy's second, mommy to the littlest, lioness.
Mei Mei Allie- Alleyne Washburne, three year old angel. understands rivers quiet, smartest of the bunch.
Crazy Uncle Jayne- muscle. boob. all kinds of horrific on the outside. thinks I can kill him with my brain. haven’t decided if I will.
Jie Jie Kay- Kaywinnet ‘Kaylee’ Lee Frye- soul of serenity. ships doc. loves everyone. Cap’n Daddy's favorite.
Simon- my brother. people doc. loves Kay. twice the boob Jayne is.
River- Albatross. pilot. Reader. crazy sometimes, not near as much now.
haven’t more time, have to go listen to Serenity’s heartbeat.

_______________________________

Kaylee's Inter-Engine Fermentation Brew.
dizzy spinning, not enough sleep
dazing drifting
falling of my seat.
shouldn’t have stolen,
was just one sip
hazy now can’t afford to trip.
didn’t know why, wasn’t allowed to try, thought it was stupid,
paying the price.

I’m going to go lay down on the bridge.
 
______________________________

Breakfast Woes.

with just a few words, I muddle their heads, confuse straight lines they've drawn. it's difficult, showing them my thoughts, but manageable some of the time. the rest I babble, spewing prophecies and sayings long lost to the ages. Cassandra, reborn, in a crazier form. 

How hard is it to make Waffles instead of Pancakes?




*Read Rivers new entries every day at www.riversdiary.tumblr.com and find her on Facebook!*

*many a great and fuzzy thanks to my Beta, GreenKa61 , without her I would have made some dumb and embarrassing mistakes.*

River's Diary: Part Four by myownknight

Stop fighting no 
go 
can’t get out of my head.
I’m trapped, trapped here,
three dimensional physical representation of the whole, affected by four no no too ineffective.
Could be better.
Should be better.
Shouldn’t be stuck, nothing holding me in, but the more I try the harder it gets. Can’t tell Simon, he’ll think I’ve slipped, gone off the deep end.
Theoretically possible. Astral projection, shaman, shamaning? Can’t remember doesn’t matter.
Should be able too, meditation, belief, it's all in the belief, belief in self is belief in others, not a Hindu, empirical data supporting the claim of rebirth is weak at best, but I believe in the possibility of the evidence presented being real. Should be enough.

Captain wants me to stop muttering again.

_______________________________

Moon-side.
Can’t hear the stars
the clouds too thick
so quiet can’t see myself think.
River’s like a pond, pond becomes mirror
disappears in the blackness.
It’s quiet outside of me tonight
inside still a buzz
more softly now.
doesn’t echo as much as in space
in space nowhere for their heads to go but in.
dirt’s much better, softens voices, dull roar.
easier to be River.

___________________________

Malcolm Reynolds Dream.
Sea greens sea blues
dog tags, cat naps.
Friendly Shadows
family farm
soft voices soft hair
quiet days
no war.
It’s like I’m almost there.

the Cap’n don’t sleep less we’re neath 
the sky again.
-River

_________________________
Paradox.
Wings of death
shadowy eyes
/follows same path don’t fall again/
rivers of brown
coats of blood
haunting.
/fighting differently still fighting same war/
Don’t wanna be trusted
but won’t ever
betray.
Paradox.

Zoe’s turn to do the
dishes tonight.
__________________________

Surprise.

Pizza tonight ( H2O,  Saccharomyces cerevisae, powdered wheat, oil of  Olea europaea, Sodium Chloride, Sucrose, Lycopersicon esculentum, Heiphinic wotis, stir, mix, spread, bake, cut, serve ) Kaylee's special surprise, comes with announcement, ( secret, special, nervous, happy, sneaky with Simon) hiding it all day, secrets making my head hurt, happy when it stops, unless there's yelling. 
I hate yelling. means Family's not right, everybody angry, no place for River to be.
but no yelling tonight, just soft soft, happy, warm fuzzy clouds, peaceful night, everything's A ok Cap'n, no need to fret.

She said yes.

________________________________

The Announcement.

Simon standing
nervous shaking
don't know what to say.
Kaylee beaming
promised won't tell.
I know anyway.
Words, shock, thrill, happiness, a little confusion from Jayne.
Going on 3 years, 4 months, 2 days, thought he didn't know.
They're wrong.
Cap'n knows, always knows, just don't interfere. Behave like a bear to hide the cub, teddy bear with Inara, can't resist happy Kaylee.

I get to have a Jie Jie now.
-River.



-You can read River's new entries everyday  at riversdiary.tumblr.com or find us on FaceBook under Rivers Diary-

many a warm and fuzzy thanks to Greenka61 for being my helpful and prompt Beta :) I hope we can work together again! - Ji

River's Diary: Part Three by myownknight

Sleep-time.
dancing dancing
pretty lights
Inara says supposed to go to bed
but daddy can't sleep at night.
Twirling. 
Kaylee, come with me
we can dance in our sleep
while the little mice creep
around 
Serenity.

_____________________

The Crew.
Jumble jumble its all a mess
/got to fix the influx capacitator afore it busts again/
all their heads reeling
every minute of every day
/got to get my hands on some more oil or my triggers is gonna start pulling/
so full my 
head is leaking
/need to find us a new job and fast, crew aint been paid in some time start’n to feel the pinch/
can’t sort out what's mine, what's not
/I’m going to do it. I’m going to ask her. oh Xióngmāo niào, I can’t do it. what if she says no/
hardly ever fall these days but when I do it's bad
/oh jesu, I miss him so much/
can’t they quiet for a spell?
only Inara bothers to hide.
Serenity is much to loud
tonight.

______________________

Breakdown.
Serenity finally cracked her influx capasi-something, so we are on this little moon till Kaylee can fix it.
Capn and Zoe are nervous, don’t wanna remind the crew that they caused a ruckus some years back with Jayne. nobody remembers.
But Capn don't know that.
Inara kept me with her all morning, Laundry Day in the black. just cause we be made of dust don’t mean we gotta be dusty, no.
Hiding in my vent until she stops looking. River mouse knows all the crumbs, won't fall for lunch trap, no.
squeak squeak
- River

________________________

The Rain.
I’m counting the space between raindrops outside. the sound is awfully loud after the silence of space.
I can almost hear myself think.

__________________________

Repairs
up and down
and pass the crew
laughing flowers, silly faces, chasing chasing, can’t catch River, quick like river. quick like wind.
duck down, curl up tight
quiet now
everyone dashing past, laughing panting, trying to find
River
River hidden, won’t find soon.
Kaylee didn’t need to fix the IC today.

____________________________

Make up their gorram minds already.

Kaylee has to work, Jayne is just bad news, I can't stay in the bridge all day, go, play, but not too far.
River come, River go, River I'm busy right now. Don't do this, don't go there, please, River, just TRY to help, dong ma?

I don't want to sit, I don't want to learn to cook. I can't leave the ship, its dangerous.
Please. I'm dangerous.
Everybody's busy, but River can't work, no. she's too young, she's too crazy, she just doesn't know how.

I wish that we were back in the black, just me, Serenity, and the endless space of us.
two more days, until the engines fixed.
I hope we make it.
-River.


*read Rivers new entries everyday at www.riversdiary.tumblr.com or search FB under Rivers Diary*

River's Diary: Part Two by myownknight

Drifting.
the stars are sparkling
in the dead of space
(hydrogen, helium, oxygen, carbon, nitrogen, silicon, magnesium, neon, iron, sulfur)
pretty pretty lights in my eyes
drifting with the motion of
sweet Serenity
(faithful, alive, home, Mid-bulk transport, standard radion-accelerator core, class-code 03-K64, Firefly, safety)
Simon inside worrying
Captain flying within
Jayne cleaning his guns.
Inara her face,
and Zoe missing Wash again.
my family is broken
may never heal
but here on
Serenity
we stay.

_____________________

Nothing But Noises.
nice girls don’t cry.
nice girls don’t scream and throw things.
nice girls don’t go insane.
nice girls don’t wear combat boots.
nice girls do their work promptly and cheerfully.
nice girls sit and stand and do as their told.
I’m not a nice girl.
I don’t try hard enough.
I need to listen, Simon and Cap'n. know best.
I could be a nice girl.
if I try.

_______________

the Wind.
the wind is blowing again.
once it start it never stops, not until it fills your head, your eyes, your heart. 
not until you scream.
Simon says there isn't wind in space. I know better. I see it everywhere. ever since Miranda.
the Dead ride the winds that blow us away.
we never really left.
night night time. time to be a good girl. take my meds. meds make Simon feel safe. Make him feel like I’m better. like everything’s ok.
they make me dream.
- River.

________________________

Somedays.
Somedays, Simon smothers me with attention, constantly checking up on me, and some days he hardly even notices me, especially when he’s working on a new project. I know he means well, but I wish he’d make up his gorramn mind. At least Kaylee gives him something else to think about these days. I think he’s going to propose.
its gonna be a June Wedding.
- River

_________________________

Unification Day.
its Unification Day today. I got to pilot Serenity this year, while Simon patched up Cap’n. Zoe didn't much of a fight this year, but at least she went.
that's something.
- River

___________________________

Algorithms and Flying.
I’ve begun hiding algorithms in my sketches and paintings, just to see if anyone notices. No one ever does anymore, not since Book. Book always noticed, even when he didn't say anything about it. But their there. just in case. 
I’ve been much better these past few days, so Cap’n in a rare display of wisdom, has begun showing me how to fly solo. I already know most of it, but its nice to hear him say it anyhow. Cap’n does a rare good job flying Serenity, but he hasn't have the touch. Maybe I do.
as for our last Job, we came, we was shot at, we left. Blah blah, all in good health, got the job done. Typical run. Mite to typical these days. But typical.
today is a old Earth that was holiday. no one knows but me.
all the Families a bustle, ant hill tipped upside down.
I’m hiding, so River can’t find me, but have to go soon. Kaylee’s letting me help cook supper. something about Fire in a Can, fun for all the good boys and girls, most especially me.
- River.

_______________________

Sometimes I Wonder
sometimes I wonder if there is a Star out there, made just for me. made just for each and everyone of us. the mathematical probability is extremely unlikely of course, but I wonder.
- River

*read Rivers new entries everyday at www.riversdiary.tumblr.com or find her on facebook under Rivers Diary*

River's Diary: Part One by myownknight

First Entry.

Dear inanimate object.
Kaylee gave ‘you’ to me today, because she says I should have someplace to write stuff down.
I don't think it helped that I used the last one she gave me for mathematical equations, that when folded in to models of the first thirteen elements spelled out ‘Serenity’. I did that during one of my less lucid periods.
Hopefully, I can fill this one with more intellectually ambiguous material, to satisfy her when she takes a peek in three months, two day, and five hours.

River Tam.




Memories

its not in the spirit of the holiday
to lie and cheat and steal.
if you do they come for you
they come
with hands of blue.
made me a stone
so I swallowed a bug
annoyed Simon doesn’t mind now.
its not relevant
it doesn't matter
this isn’t home anymore.
wont stop, wont ever stop
they just keep coming back.
its time to go
Daddy's coming soon.
colors, colors, all the beautiful colors are dancing
on my brain again.
i can win this,
its only a symbol
doesn't mean what you think.
eleven. prime number. 
doesn’t matter now.
Simon thinks I'm crazy
I'm not.
my head just doesn't work right sometimes.
I'm smart. I could be normal if I tried.
but I can’t
can’t make me
bird’s in a cage, doesn't mean she can sing.
you can’t make her.
her. him. she. he. it.
it. politically correct asexual reference to a object or subject.
no manholes, itholes.
holes. thought to exist in the fabric of space/time by many fractions, despite evidence to the contrary. 
have to go, Kaylee’s calling me for Dinner.
-River.



Yesterday.


Dear Inanimate Object.
Simon upped my meds again, so today I appear to be rather lucid and functioning within average levels during the current twenty four hour cycle.
I seem to be missing much of yesterday. Kaylee says I was painting, except I was painting on the floor. and the walls. and the furniture. all I remember is trying to get it out before I forgot. Poor Simon.
At least the kitchen looks all kinds of shiny now. I believe I find the mix of black, yellow, and scarlet red, to be rather aesthetically attractive to the eye, although Cap. don’t agree.
don’t matter none.
Its just paint.
River Tam.



Dear ‘Diary’.
today we had another stop over, this one on Triumph, to secure what supplies and fuel we could.
Once again, Simon and Captain insisted that we stay out of sight. While I can intellectually agree with the logic of this decision, it does not relieve the negative feelings I have toward being trapped on Serenity.
After we fueled and collect our various crew members, we left around supper time. Protein Powder with Soy Sauce. somewhat problematic, but manageable. After supper, Inara decided to teach Kaylee and I a new card game, (I let Kaylee win) Jayne sharpened his knives, Zoe, Captain, and Simon looked on while preforming various chores while Serenity powered on through the black.
another day in our Families life.

with peace come problems
but with lose come new growth
in lights there are shadows
but not all shadows are secrets.

River Tam.


Nightmares.
turn the doorknob.
go on he says.
nothing can hurt you here.
I can’t.
I won’t.
no one can make me.
nightmares reside in there.
haunting images
creeping near
lurking in the shadows.
words that tumble
out of my mouth
no stopping them now.
two by two with hands of blue
closerclosertheycomenostoppingthemnowwhodedemasomeonepleasenostophelpno!

Simon shakes me awake.
there back.

The Morning.
Simon's been trying to get me to talk about last night, but he can’t make me. can’t make me remember. I’m scared if I do I’ll never stop.
Serenity is still powering her way to our next job. I’m going to go hide from Simon.
-River Tam



See Rivers new entries every day at www.riversdiary.tumblr.com or find her on Facebook under Rivers Diary.

Fanfics

Hi Browncoats! This is going to be all about my favorite Firefly/Serenity fanfics. They're shiny writers, creating their own additions to the Firefly 'verse. If you have your own fanfic and you want to post it on here, drop me a wire with your creation and I'll put it on here.

Keep flying!

~River Tam